


I'll Take a "Sex in the Desert"

by f_fandom



Series: Jim and Spock One-shots [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Body Worship, Bottom James T. Kirk, But Still Plot, Dom/sub, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Married James T. Kirk/Spock, PWP, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Possessive Spock (Star Trek), Protective Spock (Star Trek), Rough Sex, T'hy'la, Top Spock, these two kill me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29835021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f_fandom/pseuds/f_fandom
Summary: Yeah, so I wanted to do a primal sex story after Jim and Spock are officially bonded.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock, James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: Jim and Spock One-shots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153928
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	I'll Take a "Sex in the Desert"

**Author's Note:**

> Beware the tags for this, since I always like to give Jim trauma and see how they handle it.

Jim stood facing Spock, holding his hands. They were together still on the raised platform where their bonding ceremony had just finished. They both wore white robes with gold embroidery and runes, and the bright afternoon sun matched the warmth Jim felt rising inside him. Spock was staring at him like he might disappear, like he was trying to soak up every last detail of Jim standing there and save it to memories that they could relive in mindmelds for forever. Everyone had already left, and they were alone now.

Spock took Jim's face in his hands. "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Jim," he whispered. 

"I love you, too. So much."

Spock's black hair shined in the sun. Jim reached to stroke it away from his forehead, mess up his perfect bangs with his touch. He stroked Spock's ear, smiling as Spock blushed and closed his eyes. Spock caught his hand and pulled it to his mouth, touching each fingertip with his lips.

"Come," he said. "We have a place prepared for us."

He led Jim to an open tent away and private in the valley. Red sand, though not as red as what Vulcan had originally held, covered the ground and hills. Inside the tent was a soft bed low to the ground, with white Egyptian cotton sheets. There were washrags, bowls of water, food and drink, and a pair of sleep robes and extra clothes. Jim was also aroused instantly to see bottles of massaging lube.

"Sit," Spock instructed. Jim lowered himself onto the bedding and watched Spock disrobe. The material fell from his shoulders and down his body like a sheet being removed from a statue. Jim's mouth watered at his tall frame, the broad shoulders and long, toned musculature. Spock's chest was firm and decorated in dark curls, the hair leading in a trim line down the middle of his torso, framed by defined abdominal muscles, and ending at a gloriously trim waist and hips. His thick erection already sat up against his pubic hair, flushed jade where it slapped at his navel. Spock's long, lean legs came into closer view as he approached Jim and lowered himself in front of his mate. 

Jim stared at him, mouth gaping in awed arousal, as Spock tenderly pulled aside his robe. His fingers did not touch Jim's flushed skin, but slowly pulled the material over his shoulders and down his arms, like he was unwrapping a delicate gift. Jim lifted his hands from the bed, where they were clenching the sheets, so Spock could remove the sleeves. Then he pulled one end of the sash at Jim's waist, slowly, slowly, until the tie broke loose. Then he took the other end and freed the robe so he could part it like a curtain. His dark eyes took Jim apart, staring at his throat and chest as Jim tried to breathe evenly. Spock watched his hard nipples rise and fall, and his eyes followed a bead of sweat that rolled over the swell of his pectoral muscles. His gaze traveled lower, taking apart his abdominal muscles, his hairless, tanned skin. Jim nearly made a noise in his throat as Spock's face stared down at his heavy erection between his strong thighs.

Slowly, so soft that Jim could hardly feel it, Spock's fingers reached out and touched his stomach. His skin jumped at the touch, and then Spock's whole hand, still barely touching as he skimmed the surface of Jim's torso. Jim gasped as a hand traveled up the middle of his chest, over the swell, feeling, sensing, and stroked up his throat, cupped his jaw. His eyes rolled closed and he leaned into the touch, but Spock didn't return the pressure. A thumb stroked his open lips. Jim opened his mouth wider and felt the thumb enter. It took everything in him to match Spock's agonizingly slow pace and not suck on the digit like mad. Instead, he swirled his tongue around it, tasting. Spock breathed heavy out his nose, and removed his thumb slowly, caressing Jim's bottom lip with his own saliva.

"Touch me," Jim breathed. "Please. Touch me."

He kept his eyes closed, his neck arched slightly as he held still. He kept his breathing calm, somehow, but then gasped low and ragged as Spock's palm dragged up his shaft, delicately, thumb swiping the pre-ejaculate from the tip.

"Open your eyes, k'diwa," Spock whispered. 

Jim fluttered his eyelids open a few seconds later, keeping his gaze locked with Spock's as Spock took his hand and drew it forward to his own chest. Jim's fingers petted the hair. His thumb brushed a hard nipple, and Spock guided his hand down his stomach, down, until he curled Jim's fingers around his penis. Jim gasped and stroked it. 

"What would you like me to do, James?" 

Spock leaned close, his one hand still framing Jim's face the entire time, stroking his cheekbone. His nose touched Jim's and he brushed his lips against Jim's mouth. Jim gave a small whine into Spock's mouth and kissed him. Spock kissed him back, slowly. Gently. His other hand met Jim's face and carded through the hair on his forehead, cupped the back of his head. He moaned and yet still, he did not rush. Jim licked Spock's bottom lip.

"I need you," he breathed. "Inside. I need you inside me. Out there."

"Outside?" Spock raised an eyebrow slowly and kissed his way up to Jim's temple, over his closed eyes.

"I want it like it would have been on Vulcan. In the desert. I want you to sprawl me on the ground and claim me, just like your ancestors did. I want it all, Spock. I want it all and I want you to give it to me. Don't you dare hold back on me."

Spock's eyes burned in worship. His nostrils flared and he breathed heavy, nodding and letting his eyes pour out his possession. In response, Jim was breathing heavier. He let his neck arch in submission and Spock pressed his face into it, sniffing. He took in deep inhales, and Jim's hands tenderly wrapped around his shoulders. He held the back of Spock's head to him and tilted his neck to the side more. He gave a long, high gasp that ended in a moan as Spock's teeth sank into his neck at the curve of his shoulder. Spock huffed through his jaw, still latched onto Jim's neck, sucking, marking, feeding. Spock's hands moved down Jim's back, letting his nails drag. Jim arched his back and cried out softly, still trying to control the pace and intensity Spock was setting. But then Spock's hands squeezed over his ass, gripping him under his thighs, and he was lifted off the floor. His thighs immediately wrapped around Spock's waist, and he locked his ankles together. Their erections rubbed together as Jim pressed his hips into Spock's. His mouth was gaping, and he watched the tent above him disappear into open sky and a bright, burning sun. He closed his eyes and threw his head back, soaking in the light. He dragged his palm across Spock's broad shoulders, massaging his skin in the life-giving heat.

Then he felt himself lowered, and he was laid out slowly on the red sand. He spared a glance to look around him, seeing nothing for miles and miles. He laughed in gleeful anticipation and felt the light over his body blocked by Spock's shadow. Spock's mouth descended on his, his hands braced on either side of Jim's head. Jim obediently kept his arms stretched out wide, the backs of his hands dragging in the sand like he was about the make a sand angel. But his own angel was above him. Ugh it was so corny to think that, but he reveled in it. Yes. Spock was the only one for him. The only thing he ever needed or wanted. And he was all his. And he wanted to take everything Spock gave him, and then more. He wanted to be used and filled up and broken over and over again to feel what he'd buried for so many years, to find what was underneath all the layers. Spock's tongue shoved into his mouth and Jim opened his lips wider, moaning. When Spock broke away, he gasped as Spock bit his bottom lip and the skin around his mouth. He cried out in pleasure when he felt blood. He licked it and then Spock's tongue tangled in his, tasting it with him. 

Spock's mouth moved down his throat, which Jim tried to make longer by digging his head back into the sand. He felt sand at his forehead, heard it falling through his hair. He knew it was going to get in some nasty places before this was all over, but he wanted it. Spock's teeth scraped and bit. His tongue and lips sucked bruises and licked trails. It lapped up the sweat in the hollow of his throat. His long, delicate fingers splayed over Jim's breast, rubbing and kneading around his nipple. Jim peeled his eyes open and met Spock's eyes before his face disappeared below his view and he began assaulting Jim's chest orally. Jim arched his back, pushing his chest up as he moaned. Spock's teeth scraped across his chest. He suctioned his mouth around his pectoral muscle as wide as he could and assaulted the skin with his tongue, swirling it around Jim's rock hard nipple. Then the other side. Jim's chest heaved up and down, making Spock catch his skin until an arm snaked behind his back and held him pinned flush to Spock's curved torso. Jim fell limp, helpless as he was held above the ground, his head and arms draping back as Spock ate at his chest. He moaned and shook and writhed, and then he was laid back in the sand. It stuck immediately to the fresh sweat running down his spine.

Long fingers reached up and wrapped gently around the base of his throat, holding Jim in place, while Spock curved more over Jim's body and bit at each rib. The muscles of his back and shoulders rippled. His other hand anchored Jim's hips to keep his body from arching too high. Spock ran his tongue from Jim's pubic hair all the way up the middle of his torso to his sternum. Five times he repeated this until Jim wailed. Spock mouthed at his sides, at the clenching abdominal muscles slick with sweat and now saliva. He bit above Jim's hipbone, then at the dipping juncture where his thigh began. Jim's erection rubbed along Spock's cheek and he curled his toes in effort not to come early. Spock's teeth punctured his inner thighs, chomping and sucking, fitting as much skin into his mouth as he could. Jim's legs shuddered, and in one swift movement, Spock was surging back to his mouth again.

His face was flushed and his black eyes were blown so wide with arousal that Jim could hardly see any brown in his irises. He knew his own eyes were shimmering blue from the sunlight, and rimmed thin themselves with wide pupils. Spock's hair was in complete disarray and his open mouth breathed heavily, closing and gasping as he stared at Jim like he had held back for as long as he could and could do so no longer. Jim set his own heaving chest on display as he brought his arms up above his head. Spock closed his eyes and buried his face in the thick bunching of muscles at Jim's deltoid and bicep. He bit and sucked like every other place, and Jim clenched his hands in fists, moaning high in his throat. Spock's hands pinned his forearms above his head, securing him. As Spock bobbed up and down over his body, his chest hair rubbed in rhythm against Jim's nipples, and he sobbed. His thighs juddered, ankles dragging the sand.

Suddenly, he heard the snap of a plastic tube--how had Spock brought that out here?--and a lubricated finger parted his cheeks to stroke his opening. Jim gasped hard and bucked his hips, immediately moving his legs to wrap around Spock's waist and give him more access. The finger entered him slowly and Jim let out a long, ragged cry. It stroked and bent its knuckle and searched, and when it pressed on Jim's prostrate, he clenched his body and felt Spock hiss in his ear. Spock buried his face in Jim's neck, and then another finger entered alongside the first. They scissored, opening him up in such a pleasurable stretch. Jim's eyes rolled in his head and he groaned, trying not to thrust down on the fingers. He gasped at the stretching of muscles, riding it, chasing it so hard he nearly missed the third finger being added. Now the fingers spread outward while deep inside him. Jim twisted his hands above his head and dug into the sand as he groaned hard and low in his throat. His breathing was skyrocketing, his neck arched like a bow against Spock's face. And when Spock's pinky finger slipped in, Jim shouted and laughed and moaned, feeling all four fingers inside him, stroking him and _stretching_ him open. Spock's breath stuttered and he covered Jim's moans with his lips as he gently withdrew his hand. They gasped into each other's mouths, and then Spock shifted, covering his penis with lube. 

Spock leaned back and spread Jim's thighs wide, testing his flexibility. Then, his knees still pushed out from his body, he lifted Jim's legs and placed them over his shoulders. Jim felt like a bent pretzel and he threw his head back in anticipation of the angle, pressing his calves and heels into Spock's upper back as he tried to keep his knees wide and his thighs relaxed. Spock took himself in hand and lined his penis up with Jim's entrance. Jim felt it slick along his body and he gasped. They stared at each other, knowing they would each keep their eyes open on each other as they joined. Jim groaned low in his throat as Spock pushed past the first ring of muscle, and he felt that hot, thick length breach him. Spock's face contorted in controlled ecstasy and he breathed deeply, staring into Jim's face as he pushed in more and more. Slowly, feeling every new stretch and soaking it in. Spock was clenching his jaw while Jim's mouth gaped open, moaning low in his throat. Every new length gained pushed a cry from his mouth. His muscles _stretched_ gloriously around Spock and he felt _so_ tight and full. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he snapped them into refocus. Spock gave him a tiny smirk. He forced his arms lax, leaving them stretched above his head, determined not to touch anything until he could stand it no longer. More and more, Spock filled him and stuffed him, and just when Jim thought he couldn't handle any more, that there wasn't any more room, Spock would drive deeper still and pull a sharp, high cry from his throat. His body was filled with Spock, bursting with him, and his moans were rising in pitch as he dug his heels into Spock's back and tried to lift up even further. And then Spock was bottoming out, his pubic hair crowding his perineum. His hips pressed into Jim's ass and he let out a long groan, as if he'd been holding his breath. 

"You," Spock gasped. "You are so beautiful, ashayam."

Jim gasped and heaved his chest and readjusted his legs over Spock's shoulders, pulling himself impossibly closer to his mate's body. He felt the sand on either side of his head shift and pour as Spock clenched it. He finally brought down his own hands, dust and sand dripping from his fingers, stuck under his fingernails. He grasped Spock's face, pulling him down lower so that he was flat on top of his bent body and Spock's elbows were bent beside his arms, propping himself up. He dug his heels in for leverage and lifted his hips around in gentle circles. They both groaned, and Jim felt the stretching ache burn and clench and adjust to the absolute fullness inside him. Spock was inside him. _Inside_ him. He would never get over that. His penis twitched against his stomach again, and he fought not to come at that thought alone. He blinked hard and gasped into Spock's face, letting out a whine as he rocked his hips and chased the sensation of his lover filling him everywhere. It felt _so, so_ good.

"I love you," Jim gasped. "I'm all yours. And I want you to fuck me like you just fought off an enemy horde to win me and you're going to make me forget about everything I ever knew before you. I want you to take control from me. I want you to take everything. Meld us. Show me every part of you."

Spock licked his gaping lips and rocked his hips, a tease that drew a low groan from Jim and tossed his head back. He growled above Jim and inhaled again, sniffing his scent, his musk.

"I will do all this and more, t'hy'la," he rasped, his voice grating low in his throat. "First, because I had already had a mind to perform the very things you have begged for. And second, because you need never beg for them again. I am yours forever. To give everything to you. To hold and cherish. Parted and never parting. You cannot imagine the strength of our bond...But I am going to show you. I am going to teach you. And you will learn before the day is done what it means to be bonded and claimed by a Vulcan."

Jim's entire body shook in chills at the drop in Spock's voice. He nodded stupidly, breathless. He stroked the sides of Spock's face, staring into his eyes and memorizing the look of pure predatory dissection he saw there, like Spock was planning the intimate details of how he wanted to take him apart and devour him. He whined, and Spock's eyes grew darker. If he did not know his mate, they would be frightening. But he only anticipated it more. He rocked his hips again, groaning at the bursting fullness, still trying not to come from the realization itself that Spock was inside his body, between his wide-spread thighs. Such surrender and vulnerability made him shiver again. Spock actually let out a low chuckle at Jim's desire to be dominated, how he was so overcome just with Spock being sheathed in him. He leaned slightly on his left forearm and reached down with his right hand, grasping the back of Jim's left thigh and pushing it higher, holding it out from his body. Jim's gasp hitched in his throat at Spock's control of him. He knew that even if his foot slipped off Spock's shoulder, that gloriously bruising grip would hold him where Spock wanted him.

"Shall we begin?" Spock purred. Jim's hands roamed to Spock's neck, the curve of his shoulders where his trembling calves pressed. And then he let go. 

Spock pulled out of Jim's body nearly all the way, so that only the tip of his penis remained lodged. Jim groaned, but then shouted loud as Spock slammed back in. His entire body stretched with Spock's length as it pushed all the way in so swiftly. And so Spock began an agonizing rhythm of drawing out and slamming back in to the hilt. Each rock of his body pressed his pubic hair against Jim's perineum, shoving such gloriously close contact as far as he could go. His hips rammed into Jim's backside, slapping flesh on flesh. Jim's mouth hung open as he gasped moans that were punched out of him with each thrust. His neck was bared, and, through half-mast eyes, he saw Spock staring at the juncture of his throat before sinking his teeth on it. His jaw held onto Jim's neck for counter pressure as he rocked his strong hips Jim's body. The sand sliced Jim's back as he was fucked into the ground. He rode the pain and reached for more. Jim's thigh fell wider, and still, Spock pressed it. The angle deepened another few centimeters as it tilted Jim's hips up. Jim was wailing, trying to spread his thighs as wide as he could as he crossed his ankles behind Spock's neck. Spock growled, biting harder and Jim screamed, begging for _more, more, harder_ through the bond.

Long fingers spread across the side of his scrunched up face, positioning at the meld points, and Jim rolled his eyes open to meet Spock's intense gaze. Then he gasped and screamed high and long, hearing an echoing exclamation from Spock, as light shattered into their shared mindspace. Like an exploding star, it spread beyond the horizons and left them helpless under its weight and strength. Pure, golden ecstasy surged. Jim realized that tears were spreading down his face. He screamed and grasped hold of this intense light, of this connection that was _Spock_ , and as his body was filled, so was his mind. It felt so right, like it fixed so many things that now made sense and surrounded him in rapturous joy. He was laughing and crying and screaming and holding tight to Spock with everything he had. Spock was thrusting faster, more and more desperate. Jim reveled in his broken moans of need. The heat that had been building inside his belly surged now, roiling and curling, and Jim knew he wouldn't last much longer. 

Spock had raised his head again to look at Jim and he knew he wanted to watch Jim's face as he came, as his features contorted in ecstasy. Jim gripped the back of Spock's arms as he sped up even faster, pounding into Jim with such fierceness that Jim was sliding further across the sand. His high moans shook with each jolt of his body. Spock was gritting his teeth, his brow furrowed. Jim was building, building, and his eyes widened. He breathed faster, a deep gulp of air, saw Spock's eyes harden as he held his gaze, and then he was shrieking. His back and neck arched so far back he nearly took in sand in his mouth. He seized and shook as he came in long, staggered spurts up to his chest. His body _squeezed_ Spock, drawing him in, and then he felt pressure building even more. Still gulping for air, he screamed again as Spock swelled inside him from tip to hilt, stretching him so hard he was crying, and then Spock roared and exploded inside him, crushing him into the sand. Hot warmth coated Jim's insides, pressing and sealing as Jim screamed. Spock's hips rammed again and again into Jim's shaking body as he came in long bursts. Jim was limp on the sand, gasping and moaning on each wheezing exhale as he watched Spock fall apart above him. Spock fell onto his forearms, his chest and abdomen smothering Jim's heaving, sticky body, but not crushing him. But Jim wanted that comforting weight. Still hazy, he knocked both of Spock's elbows out so that he collapsed. Spock gasped out a laugh and sighed into Jim's neck as Jim's air was pushed out of his lungs. He squirmed under Spock's weight, trying to get more. He squeezed Spock to him, wrapping his arms around his ribs so hard he could almost touch their chests pressed together. His legs were still wrapped around Spock's shoulders, and he lowered them below his arms to encage Spock's waist instead, not feel so much like a silly acrobat. 

"No," Spock murmured. "I yearn for the way your body wraps around mine. You are a wonder."

Jim chuckled and for long moments, they just gripped each other's bodies possessively, clinging weakly as they unhurriedly gathered their breath. Jim cupped the back of Spock's head and neck, caressing and stroking his fingers through the hair while Spock nuzzled the side of Jim's face. Jim was determined to keep his eyes open, trying to take in everything about this moment. He stared at the bright sky and felt the hot breeze chill the sweat slicking his skin. He moaned softly, happily, and Spock pressed gentle kisses on his face. He slowly lifted his face and stared down at Jim while he stroked his forehead, the sweaty hair.

"That," Spock rasped, his voice husky, "is your first lesson, my k'diwa, my precious Jim. Did I pass?"

"With flying colors," Jim breathed. 

Spock smiled, his small smile he saved just for Jim. He waited for a few more moments, kissing him as he gradually softened inside Jim's body. Then he rocked back and slowly, carefully, pulled out of Jim's body, unwrapping Jim's legs and arms from his waist. Jim moaned and felt hot semen gush out of him onto the sand. Spock sat back on his heels and stared at Jim's spread, limp thighs on the ground. He traced Jim's quivering entrance and gathered slick on his forefinger. Jim moaned and rocked his hips at the sensitivity. Spock examined his finger, curiously. Jim could feel Spock's arousal violently at seeing his own semen trickling heavily down the inside of Jim's thighs.

"I think that I will have to replace that," Spock said as he stared at Jim's stretched hole.

He leaned forward, hovering above Jim, and inserted his dry middle finger between Jim's swollen lips, instructing him to open. Then he slipped his forefinger into Jim's mouth. Jim, dazed and trembling, sucked his lips around Spock's finger, suckling the semen off it. Jim kept his eyes open, fixing his seductive and focused gaze on Spock. He moaned and reluctantly let Spock's finger slip free with a loud pop. Spock's eyes were blown wide and he breathed heavily. His gaze slowly roamed over Jim's flushed, satiated body stretched on the sand. Jim drew up one knee and arched his back, stretching his sweaty ribs and belly that were covered in his own semen. He grinned when Spock's nostrils flared. He laughed softly, his voice hoarse, and tilted his head back. He sighed deeply and stretched on the hot sand, grimacing and moaning at the cuts along his back, the deep blooming bruises he felt rising on his skin. He reveled in the pain, the reminder and lasting proof of how his body had been treasured and desired. He felt both Spock's concern and his arousal at Jim's acceptance and desire for physical marking.

"I did some nice work on you, too, sweetheart," Jim rasped. 

Spock smiled and rose slowly to his feet, staring down at Jim's languid, curved body, as if he still couldn't believe it belonged to him to worship. He stooped and gathered Jim in his arms, lifting him from the sand with arms under his knees and shoulders. Jim stayed limp and let himself hang in the strong arms while he looped his arms around Spock's neck and was carried bridal style back across the sand to their tent. The cool shade inside only muted the light slightly, blocking the heat more than anything. Spock set Jim onto the carpet, where he sat with his legs stretched to the side. He watched Spock's naked body move casually and comfortably around the tent as he gathered a large bowl of water and cloth. Spock returned and sat at Jim's feet. 

Silently, he began bathing Jim's body, squeezing cool water and cleansing the sand and the sweat. He took Jim's arm and held it out, rotating it gently as he bathed the skin. Jim watched him repeat his other arm and then caress his chest with the cloth. Spock would periodically return it to the bowl of water and squeeze it out, never taking his eyes off Jim, and continue his ministrations where he'd left off. He carefully dabbed at the deep bite wound in the juncture of Jim's neck and shoulder. Then he had Jim turn and face his back to him, and he gasped slowly through his nose. His hand was hesitant, delicate, as Spock cleaned the sand from Jim's cuts and cleared away trails of blood. Jim moaned softly, arching into the touch. Spock kissed the nape of his neck and then eased him to lay carefully on his back. He sat between Jim's knees and raised each leg, holding Jim's feet against his shoulders. He wiped gently down Jim's shins and calves, the top of his feet. Then he held Jim's thighs open and thoroughly cleansed the skin of his semen, still sluggishly leaking out of him. He dribbled water over Jim's belly and wiped away his release that had dried onto his abdominal muscles and ribs. Then he turned Jim onto his side and delicately parted his cheeks, cleaning his slick out of Jim's sensitive, raw opening. Jim pushed himself up and took Spock's hand.

"Bring the other bowl to me."

Spock obeyed and came back with a fresh cloth and water. Jim rose up on his knees and took it, arching his eyebrow until Spock sat down and crossed his legs. Jim smiled and began bathing his lover in return, caressing Spock's neck and broad chest. He placed a hand on Spock's shoulder to hold him as he worked. Spock's chest hair grew damp with beads of water. Spock watched him as Jim kept his eyes on what he was doing, aware that Spock was gazing at him. He smiled softly and eventually cleaned both arms, especially Spock's forearms that were cut and bedded with sand from propping himself up above Jim. Jim rose to his feet and moved behind Spock, sitting close and caressing his wide shoulders with the cloth. He kissed Spock from behind, gentle presses of his lips across one shoulder, then the next. He wrapped an arm around Spock's and held his shoulder again while he drew himself closer, kissing the strong muscles while he ran the water down the planes of Spock's back. Then he wrapped his hand around to Spock's stomach and rubbed fresh, cool water across his belly, pulling Spock closer to his chest as he did so. He made Spock stretch out his legs, and he moved to kneel beside them, leaning over them to clean. He pulled each leg up behind the knee so he could thoroughly clean the sand from where he'd kneeled over Jim and distributed his weight. Finally, still all without looking Spock in the eyes, he straddled Spock's knees once he'd laid them down again. He dribbled water over Spock's penis, shushing gently when Spock flinched. He took him in hand softly, wiping it clean of both Spock's semen and Jim's own slick. Slowly, he leaned down and swallowed Spock deep in his throat, reaching one hand up to steady Spock's chest as he moaned and rocked his hips in response to Jim's actions. Jim's lips sucked at the base and he slid up slowly, suctioning his lips tight to remove any lingering residue. He slid off Spock's penis with a pop of his lips and leaned forward, kissing his startled and amazed husband.

"How do you feel?" Jim asked. He stared down his nose at Spock and kept his face close, smiling.

"Like I wish to undo all your hard work in cleansing me," Spock answered. "And I shall... Later."

Spock pulled them both to their feet and made Jim sit on the bed while he brought back a tray of fruit and a glass of water. Jim lounged sideways on the bed and picked at the food. He was grateful for the water that soothed his hoarse throat. Spock reclined opposite him and they both silently observed the damage they'd done to each other's naked bodies. Jim gazed down at himself and found rings of bruising at his wrists and forearms. Large fingerprint bruises marked the mound of his shoulders, along his ribs, and down. His hips and thighs mottled in heavy, layered bruises of varying shades. His stomach and chest and throat felt raw, sporting teeth marks and too many suckling marks to count. Jim knew most of Spock's own bruising was on his back where Jim had dug his heels into him and squeezed his hands relentlessly. And he loved the raw scratches on his own back. His muscles everywhere felt sore and ached. His hamstrings twinged from his thighs being bent back so hard and long, and even the motion of standing to reposition when he sponge bathed Spock had stabbed at the delicious ache deep and secret inside him. He smiled softly to himself.

Spock sighed and appeared slightly troubled. "I am...concerned at your dismissal of the injuries I've caused you. I understand and relish your desire to be claimed and marked, and I will pleasure you always with this. However, I would never forgive myself for harming you."

"I would," Jim reassured. "Especially if I encouraged it. You know I would always tell you if something was too much. I trust you. You can't hurt me, Spock."

"But I can." Spock stared into his eyes. Sorrowful and reluctant. He stroked Jim's cheek with his thumb and trailed his hand down his arm, caressing the thin skin of Jim's wrist.

"Humans are so delicate. So easy to break. If I lost control, even for a moment, I..." He brought Jim's wrist to his mouth and pressed his lips against it, kissing the steady pulse. Jim uncurled his lax fingers and stroked the side of Spock's face. He did not know if it was time to mention what he felt, if it would ruin the atmosphere they'd created. But Spock felt his thinking and raised his eyes in questioning, tilting his head and encouraging Jim to speak freely.

Jim took a deep breath and sighed. "I...I haven't had the best life, Spock. I don't want to dwell on any of it right now. You'll learn of it all eventually. I would rather show you the memories than describe them anyway. But...I've had lots of sex. Lots of it. And not all of it was gentle. Not all of it was consensual."

Spock's jaw hardened under his hand and Jim continued stroking his cheekbone with his thumb, trying to relax him. He couldn't look Spock in the eyes, didn't want to see the burning black heat, the possessive and protective anger he felt echoing in his mind. He took another deep breath to try and still the trembling in his hand on Spock's face.

"I've been raped before, Spock. Many times. And as a child, too. I was told some horrible things as a child, things I believed about myself for a long time. I used sex as a weapon to get what I needed. I used it to trade. I was a teenager, and the men I traded with were much older. Bigger. I don't want to talk about the things that have been done to me in the past. And I'm not saying any of this to upset you, even though I know I am."

Spock's entire body was tensed hard. Jim felt deep tremors shake him, and then he was grasping Jim's upper arms like he was the most delicate thing in the world. The bond was vibrating like lava between them. His breath shook as he opened and closed his mouth. Jim finally looked up and saw his husband's face twisted in pain and fury. In guilt. _No._ No, he was not about to let Spock feel any guilt. Jim shook his head firmly and made Spock focus on him, made sure he was listening and paying attention.

"I am telling you this," Jim said slowly, "because I want you to know. I crave roughness and dominance because every time you mark me, every time you make me feel pain that doesn't hurt but electrifies, I feel you replacing everything that was ever done to me without love. I feel your love pouring into my skin as you take me and it _fills_ me, Spock. Your fierceness, your struggle with control, is _protective_ and _possessive_. You make me feel cared for beyond anything I ever thought possible. You handle me with such rough gentleness that I feel like I matter to you more than anything in the world. That you _desire_ me that much. Can you understand?"

He wiped the tears from Spock's eyes and caressed the side of his face, searching for comprehension. He tilted his head closer and lifted Spock's chin, reading everything in his face to make sure he was okay. Spock gasped slowly for a few moments, and the tears continued to run down his cheeks. Jim waited it out with him, watching the utter grief swarm his eyes. Spock raised his long fingers and placed them over Jim's hand on his face. He brought Jim's hand over to his mouth, kissing his palm over and over and over, holding it to his lips with both hands. He breathed heavy against Jim's hand.

"I..." he whispered. "You honor me with your confession, ashal-veh. I cannot speak on what you have shared. I require...much meditation. But I _grieve_ with you over the atrocities you have faced. And I...I swear to you that for as long as I am by your side, as long as I have life in me, I will treasure you, my Jim. I will never let you forget how desired you are, how much my blood burns for you, that you and no one else in the entire universe can ever be my t'hy'la. You are mine to pleasure and protect and worship and share this life alongside with, and I will never cease telling you how grateful I am to have that honor."

Jim was crying now too. Just a little, he told himself. He gave Spock a smile that said more than he knew how to express. He poured it through the bond, the rush of emotions of _thankyouIloveyousodamnmuchandIcan'tbelieveyou'rerealandthatyou'remineandyoucompleteme._ He leaned up and kissed Spock. Slowly but deeply, their lips smacking softly after each kiss.

"And I..." he smiled against Spock's mouth. "I swear that I will never stop telling you how much I love you. A simple phrase, I know. The big three words. But I've never said it before and meant it. Not really. Not until you. So when you hear me say it, you'll hear everything that's behind it, and you'll know I mean it." 

He pushed Spock back on the bed and kissed him deeply again, carding his fingers through Spock's hair. Then he nuzzled the side of Spock's face and kissed his neck, and whispered a slow _"I love you."_ He tucked his head under Spock's chin and rested his face on his chest. He placed a soft kiss there. _"I love you."_ His hand curled in Spock's gentle chest hair. Spock's chest rose underneath him as he breathed, and he brought his hand to the back of Jim's head. He stroked Jim's hair over and over, and brought his other hand to rest on top of Jim's on his chest. Jim entwined their fingers together. _"I love you."_ And he let his feelings of utter contentment and safety wash through the bond as it settled between them. The warmth returned and swaddled them in comfort. Jim sighed long and deep as Spock kissed the crown of his head.

_"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, my k'diwa. My Jim."_

**Author's Note:**

> I should not have to say this, but just to be clear: I do not support or promote any intimate situations that are _at all_ nonconsensual. Neither do I attempt to fetishize sexual trauma and learned behavior associated with abuse--only to represent examples of its severity...and its healing. But I also won't shame kinks or heavy dom/sub that is performed between partners with mutual consent and understanding.


End file.
